Diary of a Millennial Mama

My grandma passed away on this day 5 years ago.

This was only 1 month and 4 days after my dad’s demise and only 8 months and 7 days after my mom’s.

Every time I think about them, I am reminded of my own mortality, and how even though they lived quite full lives, to those of us left behind, it still does not seem long enough.

I am also reminded to take better care of myself, to be more mindful of the things I put in my body, to develop better sleeping habits, to take mental health breaks, all of that, if I want to live long enough to see my kids grow up and support them in whatever path they choose. But why am I having such a hard time with this?

I am also reminded of all the things I could have done better and all the words I wish I could take back.

I was not there to take care of them when they got sick and I was not there in their last moments. Two things I deeply regret and will probably take to the grave.

My spiritual friends would tell me to pray for them, but in reality praying doesn’t magically make all the bad feelings go away, does it?

But I do pray. I pray for the progress of their souls. I pray for healing, and I pray that my kids will never have to bear this same weight on their shoulders.